第14章

Gelstraphadoftenponderedoverthisbottle。IthadbeenplacedtherebyMrPontifexhimselfaboutadozenyearspreviously，onhisreturnfromavisittohisfriendthecelebratedtravellerDrJones——

buttherewasnotabletabovethebinwhichmightgiveacluetothenatureofitscontents。Onmorethanoneoccasionwhenhismasterhadgoneoutandlefthiskeysaccidentallybehindhim，ashesometimesdid，Gelstraphadsubmittedthebottletoallthetestshecouldventureupon，butitwassocarefullysealedthatwisdomremainedquiteshutoutfromthatentranceatwhichhewouldhavewelcomedhermostgladly——andindeedfromallotherentrances，forhecouldmakeoutnothingatall。

Andnowthemysterywastobesolved。Butalas！itseemedasthoughthelastchanceofsecuringevenasipofthecontentswastoberemovedforever，forMrPontifextookthebottleintohisownhandsandheldituptothelightaftercarefullyexaminingtheseal。Hesmiledandleftthebinwiththebottleinhishands。

Thencameacatastrophe。Hestumbledoveranemptyhamper；therewasthesoundofafall——asmashofbrokenglass，andinaninstantthecellarfloorwascoveredwiththeliquidthathadbeenpreservedsocarefullyforsomanyyears。

WithhisusualpresenceofmindMrPontifexgaspedoutamonth’swarningtoGelstrap。Thenhegotup，andstampedasTheobaldhaddonewhenChristinahadwantednottoorderhisdinner。

“It’swaterfromtheJordan。”heexclaimedfuriously，“whichIhavebeensavingforthebaptismofmyeldestgrandson。Damnyou，Gelstrap，howdareyoubesoinfernallycarelessastoleavethathamperlitteringaboutthecellar？”

Iwonderthewaterofthesacredstreamdidnotstanduprightasanheapuponthecellarfloorandrebukehim。Gelstraptoldtheotherservantsafterwardsthathismaster’slanguagehadmadehisbackbonecurdle。

Themoment，however，thatheheardtheword“water。”hesawhiswayagain，andflewtothepantry。Beforehismasterhadwellnotedhisabsencehereturnedwithalittlespongeandabasin，andhadbegunsoppingupthewatersoftheJordanasthoughtheyhadbeenacommonslop。

“I’llfilterit，Sir。”saidGelstrapmeekly。“It’llcomequiteclean。”

MrPontifexsawhopeinthissuggestion，whichwasshortlycarriedoutbythehelpofapieceofblottingpaperandafunnel，underhisowneyes。Eventuallyitwasfoundthathalfapintwassaved，andthiswasheldtobesufficient。

ThenhemadepreparationsforavisittoBattersby。Heorderedgoodlyhampersofthechoicesteatables，heselectedagoodlyhamperofchoicedrinkables。Isaychoiceandnotchoicest，foralthoughinhisfirstexaltationhehadselectedsomeofhisverybestwine，yetonreflectionhehadfeltthattherewasmoderationinallthings，andashewaspartingwithhisbestwaterfromtheJordan，hewouldonlysendsomeofhissecondbestwine。

BeforehewenttoBattersbyhestayedadayortwoinLondon，whichhenowseldomdid，beingoverseventyyearsold，andhavingpracticallyretiredfrombusiness。TheJohnPontifexes，whokeptasharpeyeonhim，discoveredtotheirdismaythathehadhadaninterviewwithhissolicitors。

ForthefirsttimeinhislifeTheobaldfeltthathehaddonesomethingright，andcouldlookforwardtomeetinghisfatherwithoutalarm。Theoldgentleman，indeed，hadwrittenhimamostcordialletter，announcinghisintentionofstandinggodfathertotheboy——nay，Imayaswellgiveitinfull，asitshowsthewriterathisbest。Itruns：

“DearTheobald，——Yourlettergavemeverysincerepleasure，themoresobecauseIhadmadeupmymindfortheworst；prayacceptmymostheartycongratulationsformydaughter-in-lawandforyourself。

“IhavelongpreservedaphialofwaterfromtheJordanforthechristeningofmyfirstgrandson，shoulditpleaseGodtograntmeone。ItwasgivenmebymyoldfriendDrJones。Youwillagreewithmethatthoughtheefficacyofthesacramentdoesnotdependuponthesourceofthebaptismalwaters，yet，ceterisparibus，thereisasentimentattachingtothewatersoftheJordanwhichshouldnotbedespised。Smallmatterslikethissometimesinfluenceachild’swholefuturecareer。

“Ishallbringmyowncook，andhavetoldhimtogeteverythingreadyforthechristeningdinner。Askasmanyofyourbestneighboursasyourtablewillhold。Bytheway，IhavetoldLesueurNOTTOGETALOBSTER——youhadbetterdriveoveryourselfandgetonefromSaltness(forBattersbywasonlyfourteenorfifteenmilesfromtheseacoast)；theyarebetterthere，atleastIthinkso，thananywhereelseinEngland。

“Ihaveputyourboydownforsomethingintheeventofhisattainingtheageoftwenty-oneyears。IfyourbrotherJohncontinuestohavenothingbutgirlsImaydomorelateron，butI

havemanyclaimsuponme，andamnotaswelloffasyoumayimagine——Youraffectionatefather，“G。PONTIFEX。”

AfewdaysafterwardsthewriteroftheabovelettermadehisappearanceinaflywhichhadbroughthimfromGildenhamtoBattersby，adistanceoffourteenmiles。TherewasLesueur，thecook，ontheboxwiththedriver，andasmanyhampersastheflycouldcarryweredisposedupontheroofandelsewhere。NextdaytheJohnPontifexeshadtocome，andElizaandMaria，aswellasAlethea，who，byherownspecialrequest，wasgodmothertotheboy，forMrPontifexhaddecidedthattheyweretoformahappyfamilyparty；socometheyallmust，andbehappytheyallmust，oritwouldbetheworseforthem。Nextdaytheauthorofallthishubbubwasactuallychristened。TheobaldhadproposedtocallhimGeorgeafteroldMrPontifex，butstrangetosay，MrPontifexover-ruledhiminfavourofthenameErnest。Theword“earnest“wasjustbeginningtocomeintofashion，andhethoughtthepossessionofsuchanamemight，likehishavingbeenbaptisedinwaterfromtheJordan，haveapermanenteffectupontheboy’scharacter，andinfluencehimforgoodduringthemorecriticalperiodsofhislife。

Iwasaskedtobehissecondgodfather，andwasrejoicedtohaveanopportunityofmeetingAlethea，whomIhadnotseenforsomefewyears，butwithwhomIhadbeeninconstantcorrespondence。SheandIhadalwaysbeenfriendsfromthetimewehadplayedtogetheraschildrenonwards。WhenthedeathofhergrandfatherandgrandmotherseveredherconnectionwithPalehammyintimacywiththePontifexeswaskeptupbymyhavingbeenatschoolandcollegewithTheobald，andeachtimeIsawherIadmiredhermoreandmoreasthebest，kindest，wittiest，mostlovable，and，tomymind，handsomestwomanwhomIhadeverseen。NoneofthePontifexesweredeficientingoodlooks；theywereawell-grownshapelyfamilyenough，butAletheawasthefloweroftheflockevenasregardsgoodlooks，whileinrespectofallotherqualitiesthatmakeawomanlovable，itseemedasthoughthestockthathadbeenintendedforthethreedaughters，andwouldhavebeenaboutsufficientforthem，hadallbeenallottedtoherself，hersistersgettingnone，andsheall。

ItisimpossibleformetoexplainhowitwasthatsheandInevermarried。Wetwoknewexceedinglywell，andthatmustsufficeforthereader。Therewasthemostperfectsympathyandunderstandingbetweenus；weknewthatneitherofuswouldmarryanyoneelse。I

hadaskedhertomarrymeadozentimesover；havingsaidthismuchIwillsaynomoreuponapointwhichisinnowaynecessaryforthedevelopmentofmystory。Forthelastfewyearstherehadbeendifficultiesinthewayofourmeeting，andIhadnotseenher，though，asIhavesaid，keepingupaclosecorrespondencewithher。

NaturallyIwasoverjoyedtomeetheragain；shewasnowjustthirtyyearsold，butIthoughtshelookedhandsomerthanever。

Herfather，ofcourse，wasthelionoftheparty，butseeingthatwewereallmeekandquitewillingtobeeaten，heroaredtousratherthanatus。Itwasafinesighttoseehimtuckinghisnapkinunderhisrosyoldgills，andlettingitfalloverhiscapaciouswaistcoatwhilethehighlightfromthechandelierdancedaboutthebumpofbenevolenceonhisbaldoldheadlikeastarofBethlehem。

Thesoupwasrealturtle；theoldgentlemanwasevidentlywellpleasedandhewasbeginningtocomeout。Gelstrapstoodbehindhismaster’schair。IsatnextMrsTheobaldonherlefthand，andwasthusjustoppositeherfather-in-law，whomIhadeveryopportunityofobserving。

Duringthefirsttenminutesorso，whichweretakenupwiththesoupandthebringinginofthefish，Ishouldprobablyhavethought，ifIhadnotlongsincemadeupmymindabouthim，whatafineoldmanhewasandhowproudhischildrenshouldbeofhim；butsuddenlyashewashelpinghimselftolobstersauce，heflushedcrimson，alookofextremevexationsuffusedhisface，andhedartedtwofurtivebutfieryglancestothetwoendsofthetable，oneforTheobaldandoneforChristina。They，poorsimplesouls，ofcoursesawthatsomethingwasexceedinglywrong，andsodidI，butI

couldn’tguesswhatitwastillIheardtheoldmanhissinChristina’sear：“Itwasnotmadewithahenlobster。What’stheuse。”hecontinued，“ofmycallingtheboyErnest，andgettinghimchristenedinwaterfromtheJordan，ifhisownfatherdoesnotknowacockfromahenlobster？”

Thiscutmetoo，forIfeltthattillthatmomentIhadnotsomuchasknownthattherewerecocksandhensamonglobsters，buthadvaguelythoughtthatinthematterofmatrimonytheywereevenastheangelsinheaven，andgrewupalmostspontaneouslyfromrocksandsea-weed。

BeforethenextcoursewasoverMrPontifexhadrecoveredhistemper，andfromthattimetotheendoftheeveninghewasathisbest。HetoldusallaboutthewaterfromtheJordan；howithadbeenbroughtbyDrJonesalongwithsomestonejarsofwaterfromtheRhine，theRhone，theElbeandtheDanube，andwhattroublehehadhadwiththemattheCustomHouses，andhowtheintentionhadbeentomakepunchwithwatersfromallthegreatestriversinEurope；andhowhe，MrPontifex，hadsavedtheJordanwaterfromgoingintothebowl，etc。，etc。“No，no，no。”hecontinued，“itwouldn’thavedoneatall，youknow；veryprofaneidea；soweeachtookapintbottleofithomewithus，andthepunchwasmuchbetterwithoutit。Ihadanarrowescapewithmine，though，theotherday；

Ifelloverahamperinthecellar，whenIwasgettingituptobringtoBattersby，andifIhadnottakenthegreatestcarethebottlewouldcertainlyhavebeenbroken，butIsavedit。”AndGelstrapwasstandingbehindhischairallthetime！

NothingmorehappenedtoruffleMrPontifex，sowehadadelightfulevening，whichhasoftenrecurredtomewhilewatchingtheaftercareerofmygodson。