第14章

Thepangpassed，andnothingbutthedullnumbingpainofitremained。

IfeltMissHalcombe’shandagain，tighteningitsholdonmyarm——Iraisedmyheadandlookedather。Herlargeblackeyeswererootedonme，watchingthewhitechangeonmyface，whichIfelt，andwhichshesaw。

`Crushit！’shesaid。`Here，whereyoufirstsawher，crushit！Don’tshrinkunderitlikeawoman。Tearitout；trampleitunderfootlikeaman！’

Thesuppressedvehemencewithwhichshespoke，thestrengthwhichherwill——concentratedinthelookshefixedonme，andintheholdonmyarmthatshehadnotyetrelinquished——communicatedtomine，steadiedme。Webothwaitedforaminuteinsilence。AttheendofthattimeIhadjustifiedhergenerousfaithinmymanhood——Ihad，outwardlyatleast，recoveredmyself-control。

`Areyouyourselfagain？’

`Enoughmyself，MissHalcombe，toaskyourpardonandhers。Enoughtobeguidedbyyouradvice，andtoprovemygratitudeinthatway，ifIcanproveitinnoother。’

`Youhaveproveditalready，’sheanswered，`bythosewords。MrHartright，concealmentisatanendbetweenus。Icannotaffecttohidefromyouwhatmysisterhasunconsciouslyshowntome。Youmustleaveusforhersake，aswellasforyourown。Yourpresencehere，yournecessaryintimacywithus，harmlessasithasbeen，Godknows，inallotherrespects，hasunsteadiedherandmadeherwretched。I，wholoveherbetterthanmyownlife——I，whohavelearnttobelieveinthatpure，noble，innocentnatureasIbelieveinmyreligion——knowbuttoowellthesecretmiseryofself-reproachthatshehasbeensufferingsincethefirstshadowofafeelingdisloyaltohermarriageengagemententeredherheartinspiteofher。Idon’tsay——itwouldbeuselesstoattempttosayitafterwhathashappened——

thatherengagementhaseverhadastrongholdonheraffections。Itisanengagementofhonour，notoflove；herfathersanctioneditonhisdeathbed，twoyearssince；sheherselfneitherwelcomeditnorshrankfromit——

shewascontenttomakeit。Tillyoucamehereshewasinthepositionofhundredsofotherwomen，whomarrymenwithoutbeinggreatlyattractedtothemorgreatlyrepelledbythem，andwholearntolovethem(whentheydon’tlearntohate！)aftermarriage，insteadofbefore。Ihopemoreearnestlythanwordscansay——andyoushouldhavetheself-sacrificingcouragetohopetoo——thatthenewthoughtsandfeelingswhichhavedisturbedtheoldcalmnessandtheoldcontenthavenottakenroottoodeeplytobeeverremoved。Yourabsence(ifIhadlessbeliefinyourhonour，andyourcourage，andyoursense，IshouldnottrusttothemasIamtrustingnow)——yourabsencewillhelpmyefforts，andtimewillhelpusallthree。

Itissomethingtoknowthatmyfirstconfidenceinyouwasnotallmisplaced。

Itissomethingtoknowthatyouwillnotbelesshonest，lessmanly，lessconsideratetowardsthepupilwhoserelationtoyourselfyouhavehadthemisfortunetoforget，thantowardsthestrangerandtheoutcastwhoseappealtoyouwasnotmadeinvain。’

Againthechancereferencetothewomaninwhite！WastherenopossibilityofspeakingofMissFairlieandofmewithoutraisingthememoryofAnneCatherick，andsettingherbetweenuslikeafatalitythatitwashopelesstoavoid？

`TellmewhatapologyIcanmaketoMrFairlieforbreakingmyengagement，’

Isaid。`Tellmewhentogoafterthatapologyisaccepted。Ipromiseimplicitobediencetoyouandtoyouradvice。

`Timeiseverywayofimportance，’sheanswered。`YouheardmereferthismorningtoMondaynext，andtothenecessityofsettingthepurpleroominorder。ThevisitorwhomweexpectonMonday——’

Icouldnotwaitforhertobemoreexplicit。KnowingwhatIknewnow，thememoryofMissFairlie’slookandmanneratthebreakfast-tabletoldmethattheexpectedvisitoratLimmeridgeHousewasherfuturehusband。

Itriedtoforceitback；butsomethingrosewithinmeatthatmomentstrongerthanmyownwill，andIinterruptedMissHalcombe。

`Letmegotoday，’Isaidbitterly。`Thesoonerthebetter。’

`No，nottoday，’shereplied。`TheonlyreasonyoucanassigntoMrFairlieforyourdeparture，beforetheendofyourengagement，mustbethatanunforeseennecessitycompelsyoutoaskhispermissiontoreturnatoncetoLondon。Youmustwaittilltomorrowtotellhimthat，atthetimewhenthepostcomesin，becausehewillthenunderstandthesuddenchangeinyourplans，byassociatingitwiththearrivalofaletterfromLondon。Itismiserableandsickeningtodescendtodeceit，evenofthemostharmlesskind——butIknowMrFairlie，andifyouonceexcitehissuspicionsthatyouaretriflingwithhim，hewillrefusetoreleaseyou。

SpeaktohimonFridaymorning：occupyyourselfafterwards(forthesakeofyourowninterestswithyouremployer)inleavingyourunfinishedworkinaslittleconfusionaspossible，andquitthisplaceonSaturday。Itwillbetimeenoughthen，MrHartright，foryou，andforallofus。’

BeforeIcouldassureherthatshemightdependonmyactinginthestrictestaccordancewithherwishes，wewerebothstartledbyadvancingfootstepsintheshrubbery。Someonewascomingfromthehousetoseekforus！Ifeltthebloodrushintomycheeksandthenleavethemagain。Couldthethirdpersonwhowasfastapproachingus，atsuchatimeandundersuchcircumstances，beMissFairlie？

Itwasarelief——sosadly，sohopelesslywasmypositiontowardsherchangedalready——itwasabsolutelyarelieftome，whenthepersonwhohaddisturbedusappearedattheentranceofthesummer-house，andprovedtobeonlyMissFairlie’smaid。

`CouldIspeaktoyouforamoment，miss？’saidthegirl，inratheraflurried，unsettledmanner。

MissHalcombedescendedthestepsintotheshrubbery，andwalkedasideafewpaceswiththemaid。

Leftbymyself，mymindreverted，withasenseofforlornwretchednesswhichitisnotinanywordsthatIcanfindtodescribe，tomyapproachingreturntothesolitudeandthedespairofmylonelyLondonhome。Thoughtsofmykindoldmother，andofmysister，whohadrejoicedwithhersoinnocentlyovermyprospectsinCumberland——thoughtswhoselongbanishmentfrommyheartitwasnowmyshameandmyreproachtorealizeforthefirsttime——camebacktomewiththelovingmournfulnessofold，neglectedfriends。

Mymotherandmysister，whatwouldtheyfeelwhenIreturnedtothemfrommybrokenengagement，withtheconfessionofmymiserablesecret——theywhohadpartedfrommesohopefullyonthatlasthappynightintheHampsteadcottage！

AnneCatherickagain！EventhememoryofthefarewellevenIngwithmymotherandmysistercouldnotreturntomenowunconnectedwiththatothermemoryofthemoonlightwalkbacktoLondon。Whatdiditmean？WerethatwomanandItomeetoncemore？Itwaspossible，attheleast。DidsheknowthatIlivedinLondon？Yes；Ihadtoldherso，eitherbeforeorafterthatstrangequestionofhers，whenshehadaskedmesodistrustfullyifIknewmanymenoftherankofBaronet。Eitherbeforeorafter——mymindwasnotcalmenough，then，torememberwhich。

AfewminuteselapsedbeforeMissHalcombedismissedthemaidandcamebacktome。She，too，lookedflurriedandunsettlednow。

`Wehavearrangedallthatisnecessary，MrHartright，’shesaid。`Wehaveunderstoodeachother，asfriendsshould，andwemaygobackatoncetothehouse。Totellyouthetruth，IamuneasyaboutLaura。Shehassenttosayshewantstoseemedirectly，andthemaidreportsthathermistressisapparentlyverymuchagitatedbyaletterthatshehasreceivedthismorning——thesameletter，nodoubt，whichIsentontothehousebeforewecamehere。’

Weretracedourstepstogetherhastilyalongtheshrubberypath。AlthoughMissHalcombehadendedallthatshethoughtitnecessarytosayonherside，IhadnotendedallthatIwantedtosayonmine。FromthemomentwhenIhaddiscoveredthattheexpectedvisitoratLimmeridgewasMissFairlie’sfuturehusband，Ihadfeltabittercuriosity，aburningenviouseagerness，toknowwhohewas。Itwaspossiblethatafutureopportunityofputtingthequestionmightnoteasilyoffer，soIriskedaskingitonourwaybacktothehouse。

`Nowthatyouarekindenoughtotellmewehaveunderstoodeachother，MissHalcombe，’Isaid，`nowthatyouaresureofmygratitudeforyourforbearanceandmyobediencetoyourwishes，mayIventuretoaskwho’——

(Ihesitated——Ihadforcedmyselftothinkofhim，butitwasharderstilltospeakofhim，asherpromisedhusband)——`whothegentlemanengagedtoMissFairlieis？’

Hermindwasevidentlyoccupiedwiththemessageshehadreceivedfromhersister。Sheansweredinahasty，absentway——

`AgentlemanoflargepropertyinHampshire。’

Hampshire！AnneCatherick’snativeplace。Again，andyetagain，thewomaninwhite。Therewasafatalityinit。

`Andhisname？’Isaid，asquietlyandindifferentlyasIcould。

`SirPercivalGlyde。’

Sir——SirPercival！AnneCatherick’squestion——thatsuspiciousquestionaboutthemenoftherankofBaronetwhomImighthappentoknow——hadhardlybeendismissedfrommymindbyMissHalcombe’sreturntomeinthesummer-house，beforeitwasrecalledagainbyherownanswer。Istoppedsuddenly，andlookedather。

`SirPercivalGlyde，’sherepeated，imaginingthatIhadnotheardherformerreply。

`Knight，orBaronet？’Iasked，withanagitationthatIcouldhidenolonger。

Shepausedforamoment，andthenanswered，rathercoldly——

`Baronet，ofcourse。’

[NextChapter][TableofContents]WomaninWhite：Chapter5[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter5XNotawordmorewassaid，oneitherside，aswewalkedbacktothehouse。

MissHalcombehastenedimmediatelytohersister’sroom，andIwithdrewtomystudiotosetinorderallofMrFairlie’sdrawingsthatIhadnotyetmountedandrestoredbeforeIresignedthemtothecareofotherhands。