第16章

“Iwouldrathernotspeakofhernow。”

“Ah！thenyouareconvincedatlast，ofyourmistake——youhaveatlengthdiscoveredthatyourdivinityisnotquitetheimmaculate——`’

“Idesiredyounottospeakofher，MissEliza。”

“Oh，Ibegyourpardon！IperceiveCupid’sarrowshavebeentoosharpforyou：thewoundsbeingmorethanskin-deep，arenotyethealedandbleedafreshateverymentionofthelovedone’sname。”

“Sayrather。”interposedMissWilson，“thatMrMarkhamfeelsthatnameisunworthytobementionedinthepresenceofright。mindedfemales。

Iwonder，Eliza，youshouldthinkofreferringtothatunfortunateperson——youmightknowthementionofherwouldbeanythingbutagreeabletoanyoneherepresent。”

Howcouldthisbeborne？Iroseandwasabouttoclapmyhatuponmyheadandburstaway，inwrathfulindignation，fromthehouse；butrecollecting——justintimetosavemydignity——thefollyofsuchaproceeding，andhowitwouldonlygivemyfairtormentorsamerrylaughatmyexpense，forthesakeofoneIacknowledgedinmyownhearttobeunworthyoftheslightestsacrifice——thoughtheghostofmyformerreverenceandlovesohungaboutmestill，thatIcouldnotbeartohearhernameaspersedbyothers——I

merelywalkedtothewindow，andhavingspentafewsecondsinvengeablybitingmylips，andsternlyrepressingthepassionateheavingsofmychest，IobservedtoMissWilsonthatIcouldseenothingofherbrother，andaddedthatasmytimewasprecious，itwouldperhapsbebettertocallagainto-morrow，atsometimewhenIshouldbesuretofindhimathome。

“Ohno！”saidshe，“ifyouwaitaminute，hewillbesuretocome；

forhehasbusinessatL——`’(thatwasourmarkettown)“andwillrequirealittlerefreshmentbeforehegoes。”

Isubmittedaccordingly，withthebestgraceIcould；andhappily，Ihadnotlongtowait。MrWilsonsoonarrived，andindisposedforbusinessasIwasatthatmoment，andlittleasIcaredforthefieldoritsowner，Iforcedmyattentiontothematterinhand，withverycreditabledetermination，andquicklyconcludedthebargain——perhapsmoretothethriftyfarmer’ssatisfactionthanhecaredtoacknowledge。Then，leavinghimtothediscussionofhissubstantial“refreshment。”Igladlyquittedthehouse，andwenttolookaftermyreapers。

Leavingthembusyatworkonthesideofthevalley，Iascendedthehill，intendingtovisitacornfieldinthemoreelevatedregions，andseewhenitwouldberipeforthesickle。ButIdidnotvisititthatday；for，asIapproached，IbeheldatnogreatdistanceMrsGrahamandhersoncomingdownintheoppositedirection。Theysawme；andArthur，already，wasrunningtomeetme；butIimmediatelyturnedbackandwalkedsteadilyhomeward；forIhadfullydeterminednevertoencounterhismotheragain；andregardlessoftheshrillvoiceinmyear，callinguponmeto“waitamoment。”Ipursuedtheeventenorofmyway；andhesoonrelinquishedthepursuitashopeless，orwascalledawayhismother。Atallevents，whenIlookedback，fiveminutesafter，notatraceofeitherwastobeseen。

Thisincidentagitatedanddisturbedmemostunaccountably——unlessyouwouldaccountforitbysayingthatCupid’sarrowsnotonlyhadbeentoosharpforme，buttheywerebarbedanddeeplyrooted，andIhadnotyetbeenabletowrenchthemfrommyheart。Howeverthatbe，Iwasrendereddoublymiserablefortheremainderoftheday。

TheTenantofWildfellHall：Chapter14CHAPTER14AnAssaultNEXTmorning，Ibethoughtme，I，too，hadbusinessatL——；soImountedmyhorseandsetforthontheexpedition，soonafterbreakfast。Itwasadull，drizzlyday；butthatwasnomatter；itwasallthemoresuitabletomyframeofmind。Itwaslikelytobealonelyjourney；foritwasnomarket-day，andtheroadItraversedwaslittlefrequentedatanyothertime；butthatsuitedmeallthebettertoo。

AsItrottedalong，however，chewingthecudof——bitterfancies，Iheardanotherhorseatnogreatdistancebehindme；butIneverconjecturedwhotheridermightbe——ortroubledmyheadabouthim，tillonslackeningmypacetoascendagentleacclivity——orrathersufferingmyhorsetoslackenitspaceintoalazywalk；for，lostinmyownreflexions，Iwaslettingitjogonasleisurelyasitthoughtproper——Ilostground，andmyfellow-travellerovertookme。Heaccostedmebyname；foritwasnostranger——itwasMrLawrence！Instinctivelythefingersofmywhip-handtingled，andgraspedtheirchargewithconvulsiveenergy；butIrestrainedtheimpulse，andansweringhissalutationwithanod，attemptedtopushon；buthepushedonbesidemeandbegantotalkabouttheweatherandthecrops。Igavethebriefestpossibleanswerstohisqueriesandobservations，andfellback。Hefellbacktoo，andaskedifmyhorsewaslame。Irepliedwithalook——atwhichheplacidlysmiled。

Iwasasmuchastonishedasexasperatedatthissingularpertinacityandimperturbableassuranceonhispart。Ihadthoughtthecircumstancesofourlastmeetingwouldhaveleftsuchanimpressiononhismindastorenderhimcoldanddistanteverafter：insteadofthat，heappeared，notonlytohaveforgottenallformeroffences，buttobeimpenetrabletoallpresentincivilities。Formerly，theslightesthint，ormerefanciedcoldnessintoneorglance，hadsufficedtorepulsehim：now，positiverudenesscouldnotdrivehimaway。Hadheheardofmydisappointment；andwashecometowitnesstheresult，andtriumphInmydespair？Igraspedmywhipwithmoredeterminedenergythanbefore——butstillforboretoraiseit，androdeoninsilence，waitingforsomemoretangiblecauseofoffence，beforeIopenedthefloodgatesofmysoul，andpouredoutthedammed-upfurythatwasfoamingandswellingwithin。

`Markham，’saidhe，inhisusualquiettone，`whydoyouquarrelwithyourfriends，becauseyouhavebeendisappointedinonequarter？Youhavefoundyourhopesdefeated；buthowamItoblameforit？Iwarnedyoubeforehand，youknow，butyouwouldnot——’

Hesaidnomore；for，impelledbysomefiendatmyelbow，Ihadseizedmywhipbythesmallend，and——swiftandsuddenasaflashoflightning——broughttheotherdownuponhishead。ItwasnotwithoutafeelingofsavagesatisfactionthatIbeheldtheinstant，deadlypallorthatoverspreadhisface，andthefewreddropsthattrickleddownhisforehead，whilehereeledamomentinhissaddle，andthenfellbackwardtotheground。Thepony，surprisedtobesostrangelyrelievedofitsburden，startedandcapered，andkickedalittle，andthenmadeuseofitsfreedomtogoandcropthegrassofthehedgebank；whileitsmasterlayasstillandsilentasacorpse。HadIkilledhim？——anicyhandseemedtograspmyheartandcheckitspulsation，asIbentoverhim，gazingwithbreathlessintensityupontheghastly，upturnedface。Butno；hemovedhiseyelidsandutteredaslightgroan。

Ibreathedagain——hewasonlystunned-bythefall。Itservedhimright——itwouldteachhimbettermannersinfuture。ShouldIhelphimtohishorse？

No。ForanyothercombinationofoffencesIwould；buthisweretoounpardonable。

Hemightmountithimself，ifheliked——inawhile：alreadyhewasbeginningtostirandlookabouthim——andthereitwasforhim，quietlybrowsingontheroadside。

Sowithamutteredexecration，Ileftthefellowtohisfate，andclappingspurstomyownhorse，gallopedaway，excitedbyacombinationoffeelingsitwouldnotbeeasytoanalyse；andperhaps，ifIdidso，theresultwouldnotbeverycreditabletomydisposition；forIamnotsurethataspeciesofexultationinwhatIhaddonewasnotoneprincipalconcomitant。

Shortly，however，theeffervescencebegantoabate，andnotmanyminuteselapsedbeforeIhadturnedandgonebacktolookafterthefateofmyvictim。Itwasnogenerousimpulse——nokindrelentingsthatledmetothis——noreventhefearofwhatmightbetheconsequencestomyself，ifIfinishedmyassaultuponthesquirebyleavinghimthusneglected，andexposedtofurtherinjury；itwas，simply，thevoiceofconscience；

andItookgreatcredittomyselfforattendingsopromptlytoitsdictates——andjudgingthemeritofthedeedbythesacrificeitcost，Iwasnotfarwrong。

MrLawrenceandhisponyhadbothalteredtheirpositionsinsomedegree。Theponyhadwanderedeightortenyardsfartheraway；andhehadmanaged，somehow，toremovehimselffromthemiddleoftheroad：Ifoundhimseatedinarecumbentpositiononthebank，——lookingverywhiteandsicklystill，andholdinghiscambrichandkerchief(nowmoreredthanwhite)

tohishead。Itmusthavebeenapowerfulblow；buthalfthecredit——ortheblameofit(whichyouplease)——mustbeattributedtothewhip，whichwasgarnishedwithamassivehorse’sheadofplatedmetal。Thegrass，beingsoddenwithrain，affordedtheyounggentlemanaratherinhospitablecouch；

hisclotheswereconsiderablybemired；andhishatwasrollinginthemud，ontheothersideoftheroad。Buthisthoughtsseemedchieflybentuponhispony，onwhichhewaswistfullygazing——halfinhelplessanxiety，andhalfinhopelessabandonmenttohisfate。

Idismounted，however，andhavingfastenedmyownanimaltothenearesttree，firstpickeduphishat，intendingtoclapitonhishead；

buteitherheconsideredhisheadunfitforahat，orthehat，initspresentcondition，unfitforhishead；forshrinkingawaytheone，hetooktheotherfrommyhand，andscornfullycastitaside。

`It’sgoodenoughforyou，’Imuttered。

Mynextgoodofficewastocatchhisponyandbringittohim，whichwassoonaccomplished；forthebeastwasquietenoughinthemain，andonlywincedandflirtedatrifle，tillIgotaholdofthebridle，——butthen，Imustseehiminthesaddle。

`Here，youfellow——scoundrel——dog——givemeyourhand，andI’llhelpyoutomount。’

No；heturnedfrommeindisgust。Iattemptedtotakehimbythearm。Heshrankawayasiftherehadbeencontaminationinmytouch。

`What，youwon’t？Well！youmaysittheretilldoomsday，forwhatIcare。ButIsupposeyoudon’twanttoloseallthebloodinyourbody——I’lljustcondescendtobindthatupforyou。’

`Letmealone，ifyouplease。’

`Humph！withallmyheart。Youmaygotothed——lifyouchoose——andsayIsentyou。’

ButbeforeIabandonedhimtohisfate，Iflunghispony’sbridleoverastakeinthehedge，andthrewhimmyhandkerchief，ashisownwasnowsaturatedwithblood。Hetookitandcastitbacktome，inabhorrenceandcontempt，withallthestrengthhecouldmuster。Itwantedbutthistofillthemeasureofhisoffences。Withexecrationsnotloudbutdeep，Ilefthimtoliveordieashecould，wellsatisfiedthatIhaddonemydutyinattemptingtosavehun——butforgettinghowIhaderredinbringinghimintosuchacondition，andhowinsultinglymyafter-serviceshadbeenoffered——andsullenlypreparedtomeettheconsequencesifheshouldchoosetosayIhadattemptedtomurderhim，——whichIthoughtnotunlikely，asitseemedprobablehewasactuatedbysomesuchspitefulmotivesinsoperseveringlyrefusingmyassistance。

Havingremountedmyhorse，Ijustlookedbacktoseehowhewasgettingon，beforeIrodeaway。Hehadrisenfromtheground，andgraspinghispony’smane，wasattemptingtoresumehisseatinthesaddle；butscarcelyhadheputhisfootinthestirrup，whenasicknessordizzinessseemedtooverpowerhim：heleantforwardamoment，withhisheaddroopedontheanimal’sback，andthenmadeonemoreeffort，whichprovingineffectual，hesankbackontothebank，whereIlefthim，reposinghisheadontheoozyturf，and，toallappearance，ascalmlyrecliningasifhehadbeentakinghisrestonthesofaathome。

Ioughttohavehelpedhiminspiteofhimself——tohaveboundupthewoundhewasunabletostanch，andinsistedupongettinghimontohishorseandseeinghimsafehome；but，besidesmybitterindignationagainsthimself，therewasthequestionwhattosaytohisservants，——andwhattomyownfamily。EitherIshouldhavetoacknowledgethedeed，whichwouldsetmedownasamadman，unlessIacknowledgedthemotivetoo——andthatseemedimpossible，——orImustgetupalie，whichseemedequallyoutofthequestion——especiallyMrLawrencewouldprobablyrevealthewholetruth，andtherebybringmetotenfolddisgrace，——unlessIwerevillainenough，prigontheabsenceofwitnesses，topersistinmyownversionoftheCase，andmakehimoutastillgreaterscoundrelthanhewas。No；