第17章

hehadonlyreceivedacutabovethetemple，andperhapsafewbruisesfromthefall，orthehoofsofhisownpony：thatcouldnotkillhimifhelaytherehalftheday；and，ifhecouldnothelphimself，surelysomeonewouldbecomingby：itwouldbeimpossiblethatawholedayshouldpassandnoonetraversetheroadbutourselves。Asforwhathemightchoosetosayhereafter，Iwouldtakemychanceaboutit：ifhetoldlies，Iwouldcontradicthim；ifhetoldthetruth，IwouldbearitasIbestcould。

Iwasnotobligedtoenterintoexplanations，furtherthanIthoughtproper。Perhapshemightchoosetobesilentonthesubject，forfearofraisingenquiriesastothecauseofthequarrel，anddrawingthepublicattentiontohisconnectionwithMrsGraham，which，whetherforhersakeorhisown，heseemedsoverydesiroustoconceal。

Thusreasoning，Itrottedawaytothetown，whereIdulytransactedmybusiness，andperformedvariouslittlecommissionsformymotherandRose，withverylaudableexactitude，consIderingthedifferentcircumstancesofthecase。Inreturninghome，IwastroubledwithsundrymisgivingsabouttheunfortunateLawrence。Thequestion，whatifIshouldfindhimlying，stillonthedampearth，fairlydyingofcoldandexhaustion——oralreadystarkandchill？thrustitselfmostunpleasantlyuponmymind，andtheappallingpossibilitypictureditselfwithpainfulvividnesstomyimaginationasIapproachedthespotwhereIhadlefthim。Butno；thankHeaven，bothmanandhorseweregone，andnothingwaslefttowitnessagainstmebuttwoobjects——unpleasantenoughinthemselves，tobesure，andpresentingaveryugly，nottosaymurderous，appearance——inoneplace，thehatsaturatedwithrainandcoatedwithmud，indentedandbrokenabovethebrimbythatvillainouswhip-handle；inanother，thecrimsonhandkerchief，soakinginadeeplytincturedpoolofwater——formuchrainhadfallenintheinterim。

Badnewsflyfast：itwashardlyfouro’clockwhenIgothome，butmymothergravelyaccostedmewith——

`Oh，Gilbert！——Suchanaccident！Rosehasbeenshoppinginthevillage，andshe’sheardthatMrLawrencehasbeenthrownfromhishorseandbroughthomedying！’

Thisshockedmeatrifle，asyoumaysuppose；butIwascomfortedtohearthathehadfrightfullyfracturedhisskullandbrokenaleg；for，assuredofthefalsehoodofthis，Itrustedtherestofthestorywasequallyexaggerated；andwhenIheardmymotherandsistersofeelinglydeploringhiscondition，Ihadconsiderabledifficultyinpreventingmyselffromtellingthemtherealextentoftheinjuries，asfarasIknewthem。

`Youmustgoandseehimto-morrow，’saidmymother。

`Orto-day，’suggestedRose：`there’splentyoftime；andyoucanhavethepony，ifyourhorseistired。Won’tyou，Gilbert——assoonasyou’vehadsomethingtoeat？’

`No，no——Howcanwetellthatitisn’tallafalsereport？It’shighlyim——’

`Oh，I’msureitisn’t；forthevillageisallaliveaboutit；

andIsawtwopeoplethathadseenothersthathadseenthemanthatfoundhim。Thatsoundsfarfetched；butitisn’tso，whenyouthinkofit。’

`Well，butLawrenceisagoodrider；itisnotlikelyhewouldfallfromhishorseatall；andifhedid，itishighlyimprobableheshouldbreakhisbonesinthatway。Itmustbeagrossexaggerationatleast。’

`No，butthehorsekickedhim——orsomething。’

`What，hisquietlittlepony？’

`Howdoyouknowitwasthat？’

`Heseldomridesanyother。’

`Atanyrate，’saidmymother，`youwillcallto-morrow。Whetheritbetrueorfalse，exaggeratedorotherwise，weshallliketoknowhowheis。’

`Fergusmaygo。

`Whynotyou？’

`Hehasmoretime：Iambusyjustnow。’

`Oh！butGilbert，howcanyoubesocomposedaboutit？Youwon’tmindbusiness，foranhourortwo，inacaseofthissort——whenyourfriendisatthepointofdeath！’

`Heisnot，Itellyou！’

`Foranythingyouknow，hemaybe：youcan’ttelltillyouhaveseenhim——Atallevents，hemusthavemetwithsometerribleaccident，andyououghttoseehim：he’lltakeitvery~dofyouifyoudon’t。’

`Confoundit！Ican’t。HeandIhavenotbeenongoodterms，oflate。’

`Oh，mydearboy！Surely，surely，youarenotsounforgivingastocarryyourlittledifferencestosuchalengthas——’

`Littledifferences，indeed！’Imuttered。

`Well，butonlyremembertheoccasion！Thinkhow-’

`Well，well，don’tbothermenow——I’llseeaboutit，’Ireplied。

AndmyseeingaboutitwastosendFergusnextmorning，withmymother’scompliments，tomaketherequisiteenquiries；for，ofcourse，mygoingwasoutofthequestion——orsendingamessage，either。HebroughtbackintelligencethattheyoungsquirewaslaidupwiththecomplicatedevilsofabrokenheadandCertaincontusions(occasionedbyafall——ofwhichhedidnottroublehimselftorelatetheparticulars——andthesubsequentmisconductofhishorse)，andaseverecold，theconsequenceoflyingonthewetgroundintherain；buttherewerenobrokenbones，andnoimmediateprospectsofdissolution。

Itwasevidentthen，that，forMrsGraham’ssake，itwasnothisintentiontocriminateme。

TheTenantofWildfellHall：Chapter15CHAPTER15AnEncounterandItsConsequencesTHATdaywasrainylikeitspredecessor；buttowardseveningitbegantoclearupalittle，andthenextmorningwasfairandpromising。Iwasoutonthehillwiththereapers。Alightwindsweptoverthecorn；andallnaturelaughedinthesunshine。Thelarkwasrejoicingamongthesilveryfloatingclouds。Thelaterainhadsosweetlyfreshenedandclearedtheair，andwashedthesky，andleftsuchglitteringgemsonbranchandblade，thatnoteventhefarmerscouldhavethehearttoblameit。Butnorayofsunshinecouldreachmyheart，nobreezecouldfreshenit；nothingcouldfillthevoidmyfaith，andhope，andjoyinHelenGramhadleft，ordriveawaythekeenregrets，andbitterdregsoflingeringlovethatstilloppressedit。

WhileIstood，withfoldedarms，abstractedlygazingontheundulatingswellofthecornnotyetdisturbedbythereapers，somethinggentlypulledmyskirts，andasmallvoice，nolongerwelcometomyears，arousedmewiththestartlingwords：——

`MrMarkham，mammawantsyou。’

`Wantsme，Arthur？’

`Yes。Whydoyoulooksoqueer？’saidhe，halflaughing，halffrightenedattheunexpectedaspectofmyfaceinsuddenlyturningtowardshim——`andwhyhaveyoukeptsolongaway？——Come！——Won’tyoucome？’

`I’mbusyjustnow，’Ireplied，scarceknowingwhattoanswer。

Helookedupinchildishbewilderment；butbeforeIcouldspeakagain，theladyherselfwasatmyside。

`Gilbert，Imustspeakwithyou！’saidshe，inatoneofsubpressedvehemence。

Ilookedatherpalecheekandglitteringeye，butanswerednothing。

`Onlyforamoment，’pleadedshe。`Juststepasideintothisotherfield，’——sheglancedatthereapers，someofwhomweredirectinglooksofimpertinentcuriositytowardsher——`Iwon’tkeepyouaminute。’

Iaccompaniedherthroughthegap。

`Arthur，darling，runandgatherthosebluebells，’saidshe，pointingtosomethatweregleaming，atsomedistance，underthehedgealongwhichwewalked。Thechildhesitated，asifunwillingtoquitmyside`Golove！’

repeatedshe，moreurgently，andinatone，which，thoughnotunkind，demandedpromptobedience，andobtainedit。

`Well，MrsGraham？’saidI，calmlyandcoldly；for，thoughIsawshewasmiserable，andpitiedher，Ifeltgladtohaveitinmypowertotormenther。

Shefixedhereyesuponmewithalookthatpiercedmetotheheart；——andyetitmademesmile。

`Idon’taskthereasonofthischange，Gilbert，’saidshe，withbittercalmness——`Iknowittoowell；butthoughIcouldseemyselfsuspectedandcondemnedbyeveryoneelse，andbearitwithcalmness，Icannotendureitfromyou——WhydidyounotcometohearmyexplanationonthedayIappointedtogiveit？’

`BecauseIhappened，intheinterim，tolearnallyouwouldhavetoldme，——andatriflemore，Iimagine。’

`Impossible，forIwouldhavetoldyouall！’criedshe，passionately——`ButIwon’tnow，forIseeyouarenotworthyofit！’

Andherpalelipsquiveredwithagitation。

`Whynot，mayIask？’

Sherepelledmymockingsmilewithaglanceofscornfulindignation。

`Becauseyouneverunderstoodme，oryouwouldnotsoonhavelistenedtomytraducers——myconfidencewouldbemisplacedinyou——youarenotthemanIthoughtyou——Go！Iwon’tcarewhatyouthinkofme！’

Sheturnedaway，andIwent；forIthoughtthatwouldtormentherasmuchasanything；andIbelieveIwasright；for，lookingbackaminuteafter，Isawherturnhalfround，asifhopingoreggtofindmestillbesideher；andthenshestoodstill，andcastonelookbehind。Itwasalooklessexpressiveofangerthanofbitteranguishanddespair；

butIimmediatelyassumedanaspectofindifference，andaffectedtobegazingcarelesslyroundme，andIsupposeshewenton；forafterlingeringawhiletoseeifshewouldcomebackorcall，Iventuredonemoreglance，andsawheragoodwayoff，movingrapidlyupthefieldwithlittleArthurrunningbyhersideandapparentlytalkingashewent；butshekeptherfaceavertedfromhim，asiftohidesomeuncontrollableemotion。AndI

returnedtomybusiness。

ButIsoonbegantoregretmyprecipitancyinleavinghersosoonItwasevidentshelovedme——probablyshewastiredofMrLawrence，andwishedtoexchangehimforme；andifIhadlovedandreverencedherlesstobeginwith，thepreferencemighthavegratifiedandamusedme；butnow，thecontrastbetweenherout+wardseemingandherinwardmind，asIsupposed，——betweenmyformerandmypresentopinionofher，wassoharrowing——sodistressingtomyfeelings，thatitswallowedupeverylighterconsideration。

ButstillIwascurioustoknowwhatsortofanexplanationshewouldhavegivenme，——orwouldgivenow，ifIpressedhemforit——howmuchshewouldconfess，andhowshewouldendeavourtoexcuseherself。Ilongedtoknowwhattodespise，andwhattoadmireinher，howmuchtopity，andhowmuchtohate；——and，whatwasmore，Iwouldknow。Iwouldseeheroncemore，andfairlysatisfymyselfinwhatlighttoregardher，beforeweparted。Losttomeshewas，forever，ofcourse；butstillIcouldnotbeartothinkthatwehadparted，forthelasttime，withsomuchunkindnessandmiseryonbothsides。Thatlastlookofhenhadsunkintomyheart；

Icouldnotforgetit——ButwhatafoolIwas！——Hadshenotdeceivedme，injuredme——blightedmyhappinessforlife？——`Well，I’llseeher，however，’

wasmyconcludingresolve，——`butnotto-day：to-dayandto-night，shemaythinkuponhersins，andbeasmiserableasshewill：tomorrow，Iwillseeheronceagain，andknowsomethingmoreabouther。Theinterviewmaybeserviceabletoher，oritmaynot——Atanyrate，itwillgiveabreathofexcitementtothelifeshehasdoomedtostagnation，andmaywithcertaintysomeagitatingthoughts。’

Ididgoonthemorrow；butnottilltowardsevening，afterthebusinessofthedaywasconcluded，thatisbetweensixandseven；andthewesteringsunwasgleamingredlyontheoldhall，andflaminginthelatticedwindows，asIreachedit，impartingtotheplaceachessnotitsown。I

neednotdilateuponthefeelingswithwhichIapproachedtheshrineofmyformerdivinity——thatspotteemingwithathousanddelightfulrecollectionsandgloriousdreams——alldarkenednow，byonedisastroustruth。

Racheladmittedmeintotheparlour，andwenttocallhermistress，forshewasnotthere；buttherewasherdeskleftopenonthelittleroundtablebesidethehigh-backedchair，withabooklaiduponit。Herlimitedbutchoicecollectionofbookswasalmostasfamiliartomeasmyown；

butthisvolumeIhadnotseenbefore。Itookitup。ItwasSirHumphreyDavy’s`LastdaysofaPhilosopher，’andonthefirstleafwaswritten，——`FrederickLawrence。’Iclosedthebook，butkeptitinmyhand，andstoodfacingthedoor，withmybacktothefireplace，calmlywaitingherarrival；forIdidnotdoubtshewouldcome。AndsoonIheardherstepinthehall。

Myheartwasbergtothrob，butIcheckeditwithaninternalrebuke，andmaintainedmycomposure——outwardly，atleast，Sheentered，calm，pale，collected。

`TowhatamIindebtedforthisfavour，MrMarkham？’saidshe，withsuchseverebutquietdignityasalmostdisconcertedme；butIansweredwithasmile，andimpudentlyenough：