第11章

Shewasnotabletofollowupherobservations，however，ortocometoanyconclusion，forbyoneofthoseaccidentswhichareliabletohappenatsea，thewholecourseoftheirliveswasnowputoutoforder。

Evenatteathefloorrosebeneaththeirfeetandpitchedtoolowagain，andatdinnertheshipseemedtogroanandstrainasthoughalashweredescending。Shewhohadbeenabroad-backeddray-horse，uponwhosehind-quarterspierrotsmightwaltz，becameacoltinafield。Theplatesslantedawayfromtheknives，andMrs。Dalloway’sfaceblanchedforasecondasshehelpedherselfandsawthepotatoesrollthiswayandthat。Willoughby，ofcourse，extolledthevirtuesofhisship，andquotedwhathadbeensaidofherbyexpertsanddistinguishedpassengers，forhelovedhisownpossessions。Still，dinnerwasuneasy，anddirectlytheladieswerealoneClarissaownedthatshewouldbebetteroffinbed，andwent，smilingbravely。

Nextmorningthestormwasonthem，andnopolitenesscouldignoreit。

Mrs。Dallowaystayedinherroom。Richardfacedthreemeals，eatingvaliantlyateach；butatthethird，certainglazedasparagusswimminginoilfinallyconqueredhim。

“Thatbeatsme，“hesaid，andwithdrew。

“Nowwearealoneoncemore，“remarkedWilliamPepper，lookingroundthetable；butnoonewasreadytoengagehimintalk，andthemealendedinsilence。

Onthefollowingdaytheymet——butasflyingleavesmeetintheair。

Sicktheywerenot；butthewindpropelledthemhastilyintorooms，violentlydownstairs。Theypassedeachothergaspingondeck；theyshoutedacrosstables。Theyworefurcoats；andHelenwasneverseenwithoutabandannaonherhead。Forcomforttheyretreatedtotheircabins，wherewithtightlywedgedfeettheylettheshipbounceandtumble。

Theirsensationswerethesensationsofpotatoesinasackonagallopinghorse。Theworldoutsidewasmerelyaviolentgreytumult。

Fortwodaystheyhadaperfectrestfromtheiroldemotions。

Rachelhadjustenoughconsciousnesstosupposeherselfadonkeyonthesummitofamoorinahail-storm，withitscoatblownintofurrows；

thenshebecameawizenedtree，perpetuallydrivenbackbythesaltAtlanticgale。

Helen，ontheotherhand，staggeredtoMrs。Dalloway’sdoor，knocked，couldnotbeheardfortheslammingofdoorsandthebatteringofwind，andentered。

Therewerebasins，ofcourse。Mrs。Dallowaylayhalf-raisedonapillow，anddidnotopenhereyes。Thenshemurmured，“Oh，Dick，isthatyou？“

Helenshouted——forshewasthrownagainstthewashstand——“Howareyou？“

Clarissaopenedoneeye。Itgaveheranincrediblydissipatedappearance。

“Awful！“shegasped。Herlipswerewhiteinside。

Plantingherfeetwide，Helencontrivedtopourchampagneintoatumblerwithatooth-brushinit。

“Champagne，“shesaid。

“There’satooth-brushinit，“murmuredClarissa，andsmiled；

itmighthavebeenthecontortionofoneweeping。Shedrank。

“Disgusting，“shewhispered，indicatingthebasins。Relicsofhumourstillplayedoverherfacelikemoonshine。

“Wantmore？“Helenshouted。SpeechwasagainbeyondClarissa’sreach。

Thewindlaidtheshipshiveringonherside。PaleagoniescrossedMrs。Dallowayinwaves。Whenthecurtainsflapped，greylightspuffedacrossher。Betweenthespasmsofthestorm，Helenmadethecurtainfast，shookthepillows，stretchedthebed-clothes，andsmoothedthehotnostrilsandforeheadwithcoldscent。

“You_are_good！“Clarissagasped。“Horridmess！“

Shewastryingtoapologiseforwhiteunderclothesfallenandscatteredonthefloor。Foronesecondsheopenedasingleeye，andsawthattheroomwastidy。

“That’snice，“shegasped。

Helenlefther；far，farawaysheknewthatshefeltakindoflikingforMrs。Dalloway。Shecouldnothelprespectingherspiritandherdesire，eveninthethroesofsickness，foratidybedroom。

Herpetticoats，however，roseaboveherknees。

Quitesuddenlythestormrelaxeditsgrasp。Ithappenedattea；

theexpectedparoxysmoftheblastgaveoutjustasitreacheditsclimaxanddwindledaway，andtheshipinsteadoftakingtheusualplungewentsteadily。Themonotonousorderofplungingandrising，roaringandrelaxing，wasinterferedwith，andeveryoneattablelookedupandfeltsomethingloosenwithinthem。

Thestrainwasslackenedandhumanfeelingsbegantopeepagain，astheydowhendaylightshowsattheendofatunnel。

“Tryaturnwithme，“RidleycalledacrosstoRachel。“

“Foolish！“criedHelen，buttheywentstumblinguptheladder。

Chokedbythewindtheirspiritsrosewitharush，forontheskirtsofallthegreytumultwasamistyspotofgold。Instantlytheworlddroppedintoshape；theywerenolongeratomsflyinginthevoid，butpeopleridingatriumphantshiponthebackofthesea。

Windandspacewerebanished；theworldfloatedlikeanappleinatub，andthemindofman，whichhadbeenunmooredalso，oncemoreattacheditselftotheoldbeliefs。

Havingscrambledtwiceroundtheshipandreceivedmanysoundcuffsfromthewind，theysawasailor’sfacepositivelyshinegolden。

Theylooked，andbeheldacompleteyellowcircleofsun；nextminuteitwastraversedbysailingstandsofcloud，andthencompletelyhidden。

Bybreakfastthenextmorning，however，theskywassweptclean，thewaves，althoughsteep，wereblue，andaftertheirviewofthestrangeunder-world，inhabitedbyphantoms，peoplebegantoliveamongtea-potsandloavesofbreadwithgreaterzestthanever。

RichardandClarissa，however，stillremainedontheborderland。

Shedidnotattempttositup；herhusbandstoodonhisfeet，contemplatedhiswaistcoatandtrousers，shookhishead，andthenlaydownagain。Theinsideofhisbrainwasstillrisingandfallingliketheseaonthestage。Atfouro’clockhewokefromsleepandsawthesunlightmakeavividangleacrosstheredplushcurtainsandthegreytweedtrousers。Theordinaryworldoutsideslidintohismind，andbythetimehewasdressedhewasanEnglishgentlemanagain。

Hestoodbesidehiswife。Shepulledhimdowntoherbythelapelofhiscoat，kissedhim，andheldhimfastforaminute。

“Goandgetabreathofair，Dick，“shesaid。“Youlookquitewashedout……Howniceyousmell！……Andbepolitetothatwoman。

Shewassokindtome。“

ThereuponMrs。Dallowayturnedtothecoolsideofherpillow，terriblyflattenedbutstillinvincible。

RichardfoundHelentalkingtoherbrother-in-law，overtwodishesofyellowcakeandsmoothbreadandbutter。

“Youlookveryill！“sheexclaimedonseeinghim。“Comeandhavesometea。“

Heremarkedthatthehandsthatmovedaboutthecupswerebeautiful。

“Ihearyou’vebeenverygoodtomywife，“hesaid。“She’shadanawfultimeofit。Youcameinandfedherwithchampagne。

Wereyouamongthesavedyourself？“

“I？Oh，Ihaven’tbeensickfortwentyyears——sea-sick，Imean。“

“Therearethreestagesofconvalescence，Ialwayssay，“

brokeintheheartyvoiceofWilloughby。“Themilkstage，thebread-and-butterstage，andtheroast-beefstage。Ishouldsayyouwereatthebread-and-butterstage。“Hehandedhimtheplate。

“Now，Ishouldadviseaheartytea，thenabriskwalkondeck；

andbydinner-timeyou’llbeclamouringforbeef，eh？“Hewentofflaughing，excusinghimselfonthescoreofbusiness。

“Whatasplendidfellowheis！“saidRichard。“Alwayskeenonsomething。“

“Yes，“saidHelen，“he’salwaysbeenlikethat。“

“Thisisagreatundertakingofhis，“Richardcontinued。

“It’sabusinessthatwon’tstopwithships，Ishouldsay。

WeshallseehiminParliament，orI’mmuchmistaken。He’sthekindofmanwewantinParliament——themanwhohasdonethings。“

ButHelenwasnotmuchinterestedinherbrother-in-law。

“Iexpectyourhead’saching，isn’tit？“sheasked，pouringafreshcup。

“Well，itis，“saidRichard。“It’shumiliatingtofindwhataslaveoneistoone’sbodyinthisworld。D’youknow，Icanneverworkwithoutakettleonthehob。AsoftenasnotIdon’tdrinktea，butImustfeelthatIcanifIwantto。“

“That’sverybadforyou，“saidHelen。

“Itshortensone’slife；butI’mafraid，Mrs。Ambrose，wepoliticiansmustmakeupourmindstothatattheoutset。We’vegottoburnthecandleatbothends，or——“

“You’vecookedyourgoose！“saidHelenbrightly。

“Wecan’tmakeyoutakeusseriously，Mrs。Ambrose，“heprotested。

“MayIaskhowyou’vespentyourtime？Reading——philosophy？“(Hesawtheblackbook。)“Metaphysicsandfishing！“heexclaimed。“IfIhadtoliveagainIbelieveIshoulddevotemyselftooneortheother。“

Hebeganturningthepages。

“’Good，then，isindefinable，’“hereadout。“Howjollytothinkthat’sgoingonstill！’SofarasIknowthereisonlyoneethicalwriter，ProfessorHenrySidgwick，whohasclearlyrecognisedandstatedthisfact。’That’sjustthekindofthingweusedtotalkaboutwhenwewereboys。IcanrememberarguinguntilfiveinthemorningwithDuffy——nowSecretaryforIndia——pacingroundandroundthosecloistersuntilwedecideditwastoolatetogotobed，andwewentforarideinstead。Whetherweevercametoanyconclusion——

that’sanothermatter。Still，it’sthearguingthatcounts。

It’sthingslikethatthatstandoutinlife。Nothing’sbeenquitesovividsince。It’sthephilosophers，it’sthescholars，“

hecontinued，“they’rethepeoplewhopassthetorch，whokeepthelightburningbywhichwelive。Beingapoliticiandoesn’tnecessarilyblindonetothat，Mrs。Ambrose。“

“No。Whyshouldit？“saidHelen。“Butcanyourememberifyourwifetakessugar？“

SheliftedthetrayandwentoffwithittoMrs。Dalloway。

Richardtwistedamufflertwiceroundhisthroatandstruggledupondeck。Hisbody，whichhadgrownwhiteandtenderinadarkroom，tingledalloverinthefreshair。Hefelthimselfamanundoubtedlyintheprimeoflife。Prideglowedinhiseyeasheletthewindbuffethimandstoodfirm。Withhisheadslightlyloweredhesheeredroundcorners，strodeuphill，andmettheblast。Therewasacollision。Forasecondhecouldnotseewhatthebodywashehadruninto。“Sorry。““Sorry。“ItwasRachelwhoapologised。

Theybothlaughed，toomuchblownabouttospeak。Shedroveopenthedoorofherroomandsteppedintoitscalm。Inordertospeaktoher，itwasnecessarythatRichardshouldfollow。Theystoodinawhirlpoolofwind；papersbeganflyingroundincircles，thedoorcrashedto，andtheytumbled，laughing，intochairs。

RichardsatuponBach。

“Myword！Whatatempest！“heexclaimed。

“Fine，isn’tit？“saidRachel。Certainlythestruggleandwindhadgivenheradecisionshelacked；redwasinhercheeks，andherhairwasdown。

“Oh，whatfun！“hecried。“WhatamIsittingon？Isthisyourroom？

Howjolly！““There——sitthere，“shecommanded。Cowperslidoncemore。

“Howjollytomeetagain，“saidRichard。“Itseemsanage。

_Cowper’s__Letters>？……Bach？……_Wuthering__Heights_？……Isthiswhereyoumeditateontheworld，andthencomeoutandposepoorpoliticianswithquestions？Intheintervalsofsea-sicknessI’vethoughtalotofourtalk。Iassureyou，youmademethink。“

“Imadeyouthink！Butwhy？“

“Whatsolitaryicebergsweare，MissVinrace！Howlittlewecancommunicate！TherearelotsofthingsIshouldliketotellyouabout——tohearyouropinionof。HaveyoueverreadBurke？“

“Burke？“sherepeated。“WhowasBurke？“

“No？Well，thenIshallmakeapointofsendingyouacopy。

_The__Speech__on__the__French__Revolution_——_The_

_American__Rebellion_？Whichshallitbe，Iwonder？“Henotedsomethinginhispocket-book。“Andthenyoumustwriteandtellmewhatyouthinkofit。Thisreticence——thisisolation——that’swhat’sthematterwithmodernlife！Now，tellmeaboutyourself。

Whatareyourinterestsandoccupations？Ishouldimaginethatyouwereapersonwithverystronginterests。Ofcourseyouare！

GoodGod！WhenIthinkoftheagewelivein，withitsopportunitiesandpossibilities，themassofthingstobedoneandenjoyed——

whyhaven’twetenlivesinsteadofone？Butaboutyourself？“

“Yousee，I’mawoman，“saidRachel。

“Iknow——Iknow，“saidRichard，throwinghisheadback，anddrawinghisfingersacrosshiseyes。

“Howstrangetobeawoman！Ayoungandbeautifulwoman，“

hecontinuedsententiously，“hasthewholeworldatherfeet。

That’strue，MissVinrace。Youhaveaninestimablepower——forgoodorforevil。Whatcouldn’tyoudo——“hebrokeoff。

“What？“askedRachel。

“Youhavebeauty，“hesaid。Theshiplurched。Rachelfellslightlyforward。Richardtookherinhisarmsandkissedher。

Holdinghertight，hekissedherpassionately，sothatshefeltthehardnessofhisbodyandtheroughnessofhischeekprinteduponhers。Shefellbackinherchair，withtremendousbeatsoftheheart，eachofwhichsentblackwavesacrosshereyes。